All Before Breakfast
by Pirate Hatter
Summary: Ford wakes up one morning and decides to molest Arthur. Arthur just wants breakfast. Slash. FordArthur.


Arthur sighed softly. For once it wasn't out of depression, distress, or even pleasure (Thank you, Ford). It was a contented little sigh.

He was happy, or at the very least, content. He stood over the oven-like machine on the _Heart of Gold_ with a frying pan. The frying pan itself contained a food not entirely unlike eggs and bacon, except it was a foodstuff that was somewhat of a cross breed of the two.

Either way, it was Arthur's breakfast and it was starting to smell really good. The bacon portion crackled in the heat as the egg portion quietly sizzled.

Arthur smiled at the food. It was really looking good by this point so he figured it must be done. The oven turned off obediently and the pan cooled. Arthur grabbed a plate to put the food on.

Ford walked in, having woken up a few minutes prior to the smell of the food cooking. His ginger hair was sticking out at awkward angles and he decided to be only in a pair of boxers he had picked up at Abercrombie and Fich back on Earth. They were quiet comfy and snug. And red. Burgundy, in fact. They accented his "package" quite nicely.

He snuck up on Arthur, who was without his usual bathrobe but otherwise in his normal attire. He wrapped his arms around the Earthman's ever-so-slight pudge and hooked his chin on his shoulder.

"Mornin' Arthur," he yawned weakly. The suddenly reeked of morning breath. Arthur grimaced.

"Ugh, good morning Ford"

"Oh so you don't want me here?" Ford replied indignantly, not budging from his position just behind Arthur, cuddling with him.

"I don't want your breath here" he sighed and went back to the food.

"My breath doesn't want _you_ here" he quipped then nuzzled Arthur's neck "However, other parts of me quite fancy you"

"Yes, I believe I know which ones you're referring to" he laughed and rolled his eyes.

"Yes, I'm sure you do," he grinned against Arthur's neck and took a small nip, causing Arthur to make somewhat of a yelping noise.

"Ford! Not now!" Arthur complained "I just made breakfast!" he picked up a piece of it and fed it to Ford. Ford ate it happily.

"It's quite good" Ford nodded "Nice and spongey. But, all that aside, I need for you to do something for me,"

"And that would be?"

"Bend over and take it like a man," he grinned again and pushed his hips against Arthur's ass. He had a bit of morning wood when he woke up, which had prompted him to go find Arthur in the first place.

"You're hilarious, do you realize that?" Arthur muttered sarcastically. Unfortunately, sarcasm is an infliction only used on Earth because Earthlings had the need to sound complimentary when they really were insulting one's mental state or something else about them. The rest of the universe rolled its eyes at Earth being so annoyingly barbaric about the whole thing and thus, after a long line of complicated and detached events, it led to Earth's destruction.

"Mmm never joke bout a good romp with you, Arthy-Poo" he purred into his ear and ground up against his ass, making the ape-descendent gasp and moan softly.

"Y-you're serious, aren't you?" Arthur craned his neck to look back at him. He nodded and kissed him softly, running his tongue over his lips.

"Arthur, I'm so zarking horny that I will gladly fuck you over this oven in full view of anyone who walks in,"

Arthur blushed and moaned softly again. Ford knew it drove him crazy when he spoke like that and was clearly using it to his advantage.

"Please Ford…" He whispered softly and closed his eyes

"Please what, Arthur dearest?" he asked innocently while rubbing his tongue up the base of Arthur's neck.

"Please fuck me, Ford!" he groaned softly and steadied himself on the oven and countertop, spreading his legs "Please fuck me hard,"

Ford moaned and growled, thrusting lightly against Arthur's clothed ass. He gently slid Arthur's pants down, freeing his erection against the cold steel of the oven. Arthur moaned and shuddered, pushing up against the steel.

"Hey come back here," Ford growled playfully and pulled Arthur back against him, cock brushing his ass. They both moaned and leaned against each other.

"Ford" Arthur's head lolled back onto Ford's shoulder and he kissed his ear "Fooooooooooord" he whined, wanting to be fucked very hard now.

"Shhh," Ford hushed him, grabbing a hold of Arthur's cock, giving him a teasing squeeze and jerk. Arthur jolted and moaned loudly, loud enough for anyone within a 200 foot radius to hear him and walk away quickly, blushing. "Arthur, I'm going to fuck you so hard you'll be feeling orgasm until next Tuesday," he growled and gave him another squeeze and stroke

"God Ford!" Arthur bucked and groaned

Ford pushed him over gently, giving him a small window of time to put his arms out on the stove to balance. He did and spread his legs again, panting softly. He nearly screamed when he felt two wet fingers worming up inside of him.

"MPH!!" Arthur called out, biting down on his hand to muffle his screams. Ford nodded and did a trick with his fingers that made Arthur convulse and seize up with pleasure. He then proceeded to do that same thing three more times, earning a moan each time he did.

Ford deemed him ready and slowly removed his fingers, replacing them with his cock. Arthur shuddered and collapsed on the stove. Ford held onto his hips as he adjusted to him.

"Oh Zarquon Arthur…" Ford moaned and ground inside of him "You feel so zarking amazing"

"Don't stop Ford" Arthur panted, rolling his hips slightly with Ford's grinding. He nodded, gasping for breath softly and started thrusting into Arthur's tight, warm body.

"Oh zarking yes!" Ford threw back his head and groaned, gradually moving faster and faster into Arthur, who by now had to stuff an oven mitt into his mouth to keep down the screaming.

Ford moaned, Arthur panted, and soon they were moving together erratically in waves of pleasure. Arthur tried experimentally squeezing around Ford's quickly moving cock and received a loud gasp and grunt of pleasure from Ford, who demanded Arthur did that again.

As they convulsed against the counter, they didn't notice a certain two headed ex president walk in.

"Hey gu-" He stopped and stared wide eyed at the men, who were too engrossed in their activity to even realize he was there. Zaphod's left head stared in horror while the right one flopped to the side, dumbfounded. He collapsed of shock and would wake up two or three hours later with a large headache.

"Whu… Fa?" Arthur managed to mumble between Ford's frantic thrusts. Ford looked at him curiously but continued nonetheless.

"Wha?" Ford asked softly

"Who…?"He cracked open his eyes and looked behind himself to indicate his point. Ford did the same and saw the unconscious Zaphod. His left foot twitched.

Ford turned back around and started moving faster than before, desperate to reach his peak.

"WasjustZaphodnobig" he blurted out and closed his eyes again. Arthur groaned his agreement and drooped back over the stove.

"Oh Fooooord" Arthur moaned, shuddered "Ford! Ford!! Ford I'm gonna come!!" He shouted and begun to convulse and bucked wildly. Ford grunted and thrusted as fast as he could to help Arthur.

Arthur howled Ford's name as he came, shooting his spunk all over the floor. Ford followed after him immediately, clawing Arthur's hips and grunting Arthur's name several times, even going so far as to use his full name.

"ARTHUR PHILIP DENT!" He groaned as the last of his orgasm wore away, leaving him sweaty, sticky, and still unnaturally attached to Arthur. He quickly took care of that last one and planned on taking a shower to get rid of the other two.

Arthur's mind was in a hazy fog, filled with Ford and after sex glow of warmth. He grinned lazily and opened his eyes to see the frying pan of now cold eggbacon. His grinned faded and he realized his breakfast was now cold and unedible.

"Foooooooord!" he whined for the third time in a short amount of time "My foooooooood!"

Ford looked over and laughed

"Go sit on the couch. I'll make you a new breakfast," he pulled up his pants for him and escorted him to the couch, giving his ass a slap to send him off.

Arthur took a short nap and woke up to the smell of freshly cooked eggbacon, toast, and surprisingly, tea. He grinned as it was placed in front of him and gave Ford a kiss.

"Thaaaaaaank you, Fordy" he kissed his forehead.

"Sappy earth creature" Ford laughed and stole a piece for himself, much to Arthur's protests.


End file.
